|
How To Act On The First Date
By: David DeAngelo
***THIS WEEK'S QUESTION***
"How should I behave on the first date? What should we chat
about? How do you keep the conversation fascinating?"
These are all questions that I get asked often in one way or
another, and in this dating tip I'd like to lecture to the drum of this topic.
***MY COMMENTS***
The first thing to keep in mind when you're meeting up with
a girl for "a date" is that it's NOT an INTERVIEW.
You're not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don't
act like it.
It's so hilarious to me when I sit down in a restaurant and
I hear a couple that's clearly out on their first date... and the guy has no
idea what to do.
It sounds like this:
"So, did you grow up around here?"
"Where did you go to school?"
"Do you have siblings?"
"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"
Painful.
Why is it that people tend to act like they're on job
interviews when they go out on dates?
It's the COMPLETELY wrong thing to do.
I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and criticize
about how hard it is to find an exciting guy in this world.
Here's a good rule of thumb:
ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT ORDINARY, DULL, EXPECTED TOPICS LIKE
SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY
IF YOU HAVE COMPLETELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS.
And why is this?
Good question. And I'm glad you asked.
First, let's talk about WHY most guys allow the discussion
to turn to these ultra-boring topics...
Most guys approach a first date from the viewpoint of
"I don't want to screw this up".
In other words, they try to play it safe and sound and not
do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.
They try to present themselves as "nice guys" who
love mom, have a good job, and are steady.
Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act polite,
buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to turn
off women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss
and a second opportunity to buy dinner).
I don't know where this notion came from, but it's just not
a very effective approach.
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, DULL,
PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION.
Attraction happens when there is energy, excitement, comedy,
mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and saucy.
So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of dullness,
you're going to have to learn a new way.
You're going to have to learn to talk about something else.
The trick to not chatting about the "usual" things
is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.
Let me ask you, what are the most appealing topics to humans
in general?
Right - drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful
to one of the parties involved.
Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to
mind:
"So what's with The Osbournes being MTV's #1 show of
all time? I guess people just can't get enough of dysfunctional family life...
they have to watch it on TV too."
"I'm so bummed that J-Lo and Ben are on the rocks. They
were so damn cute together. I was hoping that they'd have a daughter with
perfect hair and a bedonka donk butt from birth."
"Have you tuned into this "Cheaters" TV show?
Don't you just love it when they come storming into someone's house and catch
the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?"
These topics will light up a conversation like nobody's
business. And they generate all kinds of opportunities to be cocky and funny
while talking about the misfortunes and neurotic behavior of others.
The trick is that you must bear in mind you're not there to
impress her, and you're not on a job interview.
The more you act anxious, unnatural, and uncomfortable...like
you're trying to impress her and get her approval... and like you don't want to
say anything that might make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are to set
off that all- important ATTRACTION inside of her.
And here's a real twist on this theme:
If SHE starts asking the "normal" questions about
school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to bust on her and say
"What, is this a job interview?"
Or "Can't you think of something exciting to talk
about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-family conversation.
Let's save that until we're choosing names for our kids."
Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:
1) History. Women love to hear stories about the history of
places. If you're in an appealing part of town, tell her the story of how the
area came to be named, or why the city was built where it is. And if the story
involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.
2) Anything shallow, classy, and basically meaningless. Try
learning a little about fashion, this way you can make fun of it while acting
like you know what you're talking about. "Didn't Madonna really screw up
the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?"
3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your
wild perspective on others. "You know, I've been trying to figure out why
so many people these days are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it
might be all the NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys on the radio."
This one can be a lot of fun... be original.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be exciting.
The old-fashioned act-like-you're-on-a-job meeting rap just
doesn't cut it.
Now, for some guys, the ideas that I've just talked about
will make sense, but they won't come naturally.
That's OK. You may have to work on this for awhile,
especially if you've spent the last 25 or so years doing the wrong thing.
Old Proverb: "No matter how far down the wrong road
you've gone, TURN BACK."
So keep in mind, attraction isn't a choice. And attraction
doesn't make logical sense. If you want to create that magical
"chemistry", then you're going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE it.
...and if you'd like to learn DOZENS of great ideas on how
to meet, attract, date, and get physical with women, I recommend that you
download a copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating," and sign up
for my free Dating Tips Newsletter. Just go do:
|
