Approach Women and Icebreakers
By: James
So today's topic is how to approach women and icebreakers you can use to get
the conversation going.
First of all, you have to be aware that nervousness before approaching women
will always be there. Everyone feels it, even the most confident of men. The
way to reduce it is by approaching straight away when
you see someone you want to approach. One of the world’s top pickup artists, Joseph
Matthews, calls this the Three Second Rule.
Wait any longer than 3 seconds, and you are causing yourself unnecessary
torment. It’s like the difference between getting a shot with a quick prick of
a needle and slowing it down and taking time twisting it in there. Why not make
the prick fast and then get the pain over with?
The next thing you should know is that the first approach that you
make on any given day or night will be the hardest.
If you are in a bar, coffee shop, mall, or wherever, and you want to meet
women, the first approach will be the hardest, so you need to think of that as
a throwaway that you need to get out of the way as quick as possible.
Simply go up to a woman, say, “Hey I want a female opinion on something,”
get the opinion, and then walk away. Easy as that.
You should also try to enjoy the nervousness.
Don’t think of it as anxiety and fear. Think of it as an adrenaline rush.
Seriously.
Make one approach at the start of the evening (if you are in a bar), and you
will get a natural adrenaline rush that will help you for the rest of the
night. This is a good thing, and it helps you much better than alcohol or any
other anxiety-inhibiting substance.
Joseph Matthews, one of the world’s greatest pickup artists, shows you in
detail how to overcome fear of the approach and what to say to women to spark
great conversations in my How to Be Irresistible to Women Mastery Series .
This leads us on to…
“Icebreakers”
Most men start conversations by saying, “Hi, how are you? I’m
So-and-So. What’s your name? How’s your night going?” and so forth.
The problem with that is:
- She’s heard that conversation
thousands of times before = predictable = boring = no attraction.
- You are trying to establish
rapport with her before actually getting her to be attracted to you.
Think of rapport as a way of getting her to extend her current level of
attraction for you.
If she doesn’t feel any attraction, then by spending a few minutes getting
rapport, you are getting a few minutes of zero attraction.
On the other hand, if you get some attraction going first and then spend a
few minutes gaining rapport with her, then what you have is a few minutes of
her talking to you while she is feeling attracted to you. This is much better.
So how can you build attraction before rapport?
There are a number of things, including vocal tonality, body language and
what you say.
What we’ll cover here, though, are some icebreakers that work ten times
better than, “Hi, how are you.”
Remember: The goal isn’t for her to be attracted to you right there and
then. It is for you to establish contact while demonstrating that you are
unique – not another, “Hi, how are you?” kind of guy.
One of the best icebreakers you can use is a simple opinion opener.
You: “Hey there, my friends and I were just
discussing something, and we want a female opinion.”
Her: “Sure.” [If she pauses too long, just
carry on without waiting for a reply.]
You: “They think pink shirts on guys look gay. I
think the right shirt can make a man stand out more…”
Or
You: “Who is more likely to be late for a first
date, men or women?”
Or
You: “My friend just bought a new cat and can’t
think of what to name it.”
And so forth…
You get the idea. It is quite easy to make up these kinds of opinion
openers. It can actually be something you were discussing, or it could be one
of these ‘canned’ conversation starters.
Another thing you should be aware of is that you don’t have to approach the
girl that you are interested in. You can approach another member of the group,
such as a male or female, and proceed to engage the whole group. Only
after you’ve gained the comfort of the entire group will you start talking to
her.
You can also get your friends to come over – after you’ve started a
conversation, of course – and talk to her friends.
Also, make sure you don’t lean in too close.
Lean back and speak up. Make her have to lean in towards you. That way, her
friends will think that she is interested in you and won’t try to take her
away.
Whatever you are asking her opinion on, it doesn’t matter. Remember, what
you were doing was engaging her attention while demonstrating that you aren’t
another predictable, “Hi, how are you, how’s your night going?” guy.
Don’t keep talking about your initial topic for too long. That was just a
way of starting a conversation. Now it is time to let her know that you aren’t
another guy that’s going to hover around her.
Simply say: “I’ve got to go back to my friends in a minute, but…” and carry
on the conversation.
It doesn’t matter if you are going to talk for more than a minute. It
just removes the question in her head: “Is this guy going to hover around all
night?”
One of the world’s greatest pickup artists (a mystery guest featured in my Mastery
course) calls this a false time constraint, and it is a very important
aspect of approaching and starting conversations with women.
I cover in detail how to talk to women and have great conversations with
them in my Mastery courses, as well as a lot more on how to
approach women and start conversations.
I hope that you enjoyed and learnt a lot from this lesson on how to approach
women and “icebreakers.”
Now get out there and start meeting women!
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