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Humor 101 

By: Kemo

Hellooooo humor. If you want to become a ladies man and you aren't funny, prepare for a long and hard journey unless you have these three words on your side. Twelve inch cock. Assuming that you aren't hung like Kemo, it would be in your best interest to learn how to be funny. Now learning to be funny isn't easy. Luckily for you, this is your little guide into the art of comedy.

Having a sense of humor is really 1 third of all of your game. The other parts are your confidence (which includes showing you are an alpha male and showing your power) and how you look (which shows that you are well kept, all together, and have status). But forget all of this pick up artist bullshit, we are here to learn how to become comedic masters.

Note*** Quickly, before we get to all of the good stuff, I would just like to name all of the forms of humor you should NOT attempt. The first is 'random' funny. You will only be perceived as weird and if your wit only extends to being able to say a random word here and there or doing something completely random, you need to do something about it. Next is telling jokes. It can be ok, but a lot of the time it isn't too funny. I sometimes tell jokes but never early in conversation and most of them are sexual. Also never try to be funny in a way that belittles you. Becoming the joke isn't going to get you laid. Don't get me wrong, making fun of something like your "3 inch penis" isn't belittling yourself; you are just showing that you have confidence by not being afraid to say something silly about yourself (just saying because some people recommend jokes like this). If the joke involves you doing something stupid or really being mean to yourself in a serious way, just don't. Observe the humor that most guys that seem to be good with women are using and use it yourself. Likewise, don't use the type of humor a guy who ISN'T getting laid is using. Learn from other's mistakes. Moving on to the good stuff…

There are so many different ways to be funny and different styles of humor one can use. The first I want to talk about is sarcasm. Sarcasm can show your quick wit and also can at times show off your confidence. An example of being sarcastic is:

Girl: What does 'fellatio' mean anyway?
Me: You are a genius sweetheart.

As you can see, I said something though I really meant the opposite. There are so many different ways you can be sarcastic but that is the basic gist of it. For really good examples of sarcastic lines, try Bill Engval's 'Here's Your Sign' jokes. Sarcasm works well because usually, if she senses the sarcasm, you raise your status showing that you aren't afraid to tease her.

Another way to be humorous is to over exaggerate something. You pick out something that she said or does and just exaggerate it in a funny way. If a girl has an accent and she says a word funny, repeat the word and exaggerate the accent a bit. If a girl is wearing really bright colors, ask her to apologize to you for giving you a seizure. Be creative with these. Again you are teasing her, this time exaggerating one of her flaws.

You can also misinterpret something. This one is really good. If she says something that in any way shape or form could be a sexual innuendo, please point it out. I don't care how immature it could be, sexual innuendos are as timeless as fart jokes. Just the other day a girl was talking about this douche hitting on her and said "he just came up behind me and put his hands on my butt so I wacked him off really hard". She was laughing for a while, and all I did was say "Wow, so you are that easy?" They do it to themselves. In high school I was sitting next to this hottie on the bus and we hit a bump and her head went right down onto my lap. A bunch of people looked over to see where she went. She lifted up her head a bit and I pushed on it and said "Get back down, you can't stop before I finish". Always fun. Again you should be seeing a pattern – the girl is always being teased.

Comparisons are also funny. In this case you don't have to be teasing a girl. If you are sitting on a hard ground, compare it to the penis of a blind homosexual man in the middle of a sausage factory. Of course you can still tease the girl. Compare her outfit to [current bad dressing celebrity] on crack. Adding on crack to any comparison of a person multiplies all hilarity by 10. Seriously. Even if you aren't teasing the girl, you are still making her laugh which is really important, considering laughter creates a bond in humans (more on this later).
One of my favorite ways to be really funny is tell funny stories. Everyone has some funny stories that are interesting and funny to other people, and if you don't have any… then go out there and get some! Hell, make 'em up if you have to, as long as they are believable. Also, you don't want to be telling any of the bullshit "Well you know if you had been there it would be funny…" kind of stuff, that isn't going to cut it. You need to deliver your story the right way and make sure the stories are truly funny for it to work. I have a good 3-4 stories that I tell constantly, and they consistently will keep a room of people laughing over and over again. Telling stories is good because it shows you can be fun and that you are a hilarious guy.

You could even use other people's humor. People have already created "funny" for you, all you have to do is bring it up. An example of this is in the movie T alladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
. If you didn't see this, there is a funny scene where Ricky Bobby goes on about 'Baby Jesus'. I can probably get any girl to laugh by just bringing up 'Baby Jesus' and maybe quoting a little bit more (assuming she saw the movie). You can even take the easy way out and bring up a really funny movie scene and just say "remember that". Hopefully you still get a couple laughs. You don't have to use just movies either, it works on any funny moment – if you bring it up, then you get associated with it. Again, the point of this is to really get her laughing.

Teasing is in a word – amazing. Anyone who says people that make fun of other people have low self esteem is probably right. Either that or their nickname in high school was Snowballer. I think making fun of people is awesome, especially if you are saying something everyone is thinking – but no one has the balls to say it out loud. If you are making fun of the girl, it is most likely some sort of neg, that uses any of the humor styles mentioned above, but the thing that makes teasing so great is you can do it to other people. Now I am not for hurting anyone's feelings, but if they can't hear it and you aren't making fun of anything out of their control, I say go for it. If you walk by a woman wearing too much perfume you can say "Damn, that woman smells like 7 french whores in a bathtub" (see: comparison). I was on a date only 1 week ago and some 12 year old boy was talking to these girls. As we walk by he goes (thick country accent) "We was spraying that axe shit all over and we was getting stoooopid". He did the work for me, every time I made fun of him I had the girl rolling. Hooray for teasing.

The final one of my favorite forms of humor is to be arrogant. Act like you are better than the world and then some, but in a funny way. It is being sarcastic, but I use it so much I think it deserves its own paragraph. If a girl is telling me "you're so cute" I'll say "Yea I know, keep going…" or "Yea if you butter me up like that then you may get lucky tonight". Sometimes I talk about how much more important I am than other people, comparing myself to somewhat of a god or kingly figure. It is so funny because I'm making hyperboles and using sarcasm all about myself. It really ties into your cocky and funny personality. This is something I use all the time.

Really, if you are making a girl laugh (as long as it is not AT you) then you are so much closer to being in with her. You ever notice if you are watching a funny show on TV, or you see something hilarious, you just don't seem to laugh as hard as you do when someone is with you? There is a big connection between human relations and laughter. Laughter even releases serotonin into your body, in tern making you in a better mood and much happier. Seeing something funny doesn't make you feel good, it is the laughter that comes from it. Go ahead, go do something funny. Hump the air so your balls make a slapping sound against your ass. Prank call someone. Go watch a comedy movie. You may laugh, but I guarantee you would be laughing more if you had a friend with you, boy or girl. A woman's laughter is her attraction. Get her to laugh.

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